Chris Rock How do trees access the internet? A mind is like a parachute. 82. 1. Sincerely, yourself., 2. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. New year, new me. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). 109. 173. When they go away, its a brighter day. I train my body. 262. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 154. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Flip Wilson, 263. 176. 47. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. Description for this block. Because it was soda pressing. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 10. 6. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Snowballs. What do computers eat for a snack? 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. 219. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. 43. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 37. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. 47. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 9. Stuart Turner 232. 78. 252. 104. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. 3. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Funny positive affirmations do work. I am intelligent. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. Your life is your message to the world. The thing is, I am still getting ready. I'm having a staff meeting.". I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 264. 75. 144. 5. 2. Your email address will not be published. You were too lazy to read that number. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Milton Berle Never ask a starfish for directions. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 51. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 4. Life begins on Friday night. Hes dreaming too. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 15. 43. -Katrina Bowden. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Batwoman: single. Live life to the fullest. 39 funny positive affirmations. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. 255. I just go normal from time to time. 181. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 198. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. I enjoy every minute of it. 20. It's OK to take a break. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. 277. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. I am adventurous. 245. grateful. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. 7. 130. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. 74. What is the tallest building in the entire world? The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 234. 237. What do I do for a living? 119. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. Albert King. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. Not everyone has good taste. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. Today I was a hero. 59. Cindy from Marzahn. 228. Best friends eat your food. 42. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 160. I understand success cant happen overnight. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. 165. Rodney Dangerfield. 162. 75. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 63. Frances McDormand, 42. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. I am intelligent. 92. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. 194. - Unknown. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 202. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. If only common sense were more common. Robert Bloch Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. 60. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. 52. 58. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. 173. 46. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. 5. "I receive what I believe.". "I am becoming humorous day by day.". The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! Why was six scared of seven? 139. And a funny bone., 10. 93. It has nothing new to tell you. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. 1. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 233. Your values become your destiny. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. Unknown. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Im not insulting you. 118. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. 74. Because they make up everything. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. I am full of vitality. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". Theres no stopping me now. 89. Bill Murray, 260. Henny Youngman Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. Hi! Ensure that your actions match your words. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . So far, so good. Not everyone has good taste. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. In the morning, I cant get up. 187. Looking for positive funny affirmations? "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 229. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. 77. Bill Murray. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. 243. Exercise? An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Why is England the wettest country? Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. "You have to be odd to be number one.". Enjoy! I am my childs greatest comfort. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. 151. 177. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Does it count if you say them in your mind? 106. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! 101. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 116. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. 231. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Love your enemies. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. 142. 90. 80. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. 176. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. My body deserves love. Decomposing. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 201. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. I tell you what always catches my eye. I am lazy till I get a motive. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. 240. The only power you have is the word no. With time, I have started to value more time. I see food, and I eat it. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. 159. All you need is love. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen.

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